Feest Isolation Days – 13 May
Some days the shared sadness of so many friends who are worrying for their grown up children deflates my usual buoyancy. Adult kids with children and no jobs, with money beginning to run out and futures that are unclear, are increasingly causing many parents to wobble. Many adult children are now in jobs that are no longer possible to do because they are either shut down or involve practices that can no longer occur. Who knows when this will change? I can tell when many of my female friends are troubled because of their silence. They don’t know what to say.
We all listen to the commentators and hear the fears and frustrations that fuel many of their unhelpful questions and statements to ministers. Their steadfast disavowal of anything that could be construed as positive has become the norm and they poke at the flaws. And there are of course flaws. The MSN newsfeed tells me that the Chancellor plans to end the furlough payments to all of those who desperately need this support. Then, within minutes I see a news strap that says, in fact that is not the case at all, and furlough payments will be extended for another four months until the end of October. Fear, uncertainty, the inability to maintain control, hearing constant reminders of latest coronavirus deaths, all this takes its toll on our mental strength.
Hold firm! The world is not the same place as it was sixty some odd days ago. Try as we might, we can’t imagine how it will look in another month, or two months or six. To all the (especially) female friends of mine who’s hearts are breaking for the broken lives of their kids, please stay strong! Your strength is important to keep them going; to cheer them on and to encourage them to think positively. I know it isn’t easy, I too share your feelings and sometimes the tears do fall as I worry for the fifteen year olds, the eighteen year olds, the twenty somethings and thirty somethings, and the rest. I wish the government had started the latest advice with Stay Strong!
Sixty days into this new way of life seems a good time for a few reminders about tips on long time coping strategies that can help maintain our mental strength.
1. Put your feelings into words (affect labelling). Studies have shown that naming your negative feelings takes the sting out of the feelings they induce. Recognising what your emotions are is important. Check in with yourself a few times a day and see what you’re feeling. Saying you’re sad or anxious, or whatever you are feeling is a helpful first step.
2. Schedule some worry time. Plan a session when you will worry about everything! Death rates, scarier headlines, the kids, all of it. Think about all of your concerns for no more than fifteen minutes a day, then stop. Then go and do something else. Studies have shown that limiting worrying to “scheduled worrying” works. You’ll feel better the rest of the day.
3. When you are concerned by the dreadful behaviour of others, do something kind. Send a nice text, or email or letter to someone. Bake cakes with your grandkids (remotely pf course!). If you are going out, drop something at a neighbours who can’t leave the house. Practice kindness. You’ll feel better!
4. Express your gratitude. Studies show that gratitude boosts happiness levels. Think about what you do have to be positive about. Nothing? How about the electricity that is still working, the water that we don’t have to fetch from a dirty well? Keep a journal if that helps.
Know that you are NOT alone! We are all going through a rollercoaster of emotions and when the ride ends, we all want to be able to continue to be mentally strong.
Laugh! Dance! Enjoy! Remember when those adult kids were small and you would tickle them out of a mood, or coax them to stop crying? Now that they, and we, are adults, you can still help them. Don’t damp down your joy. It’s infectious and will help you to help yourself and others. Try some of the above and use whatever works for you. Stay strong!
With love
Kathy x