Feest Isolation Days – 25 April
Words are so important these days! We can’t quite pick up the body language that often helps us with clues about what people really mean. Zoom and other electronic means of communication only go so far.
Somebody ought to explain the importance of words, (and how to make complete sentences!), to the President of the United States. Not only are his words foolish but dangerous. Drink bleach? Enough said on that.
With so many threatening words around, it seemed a good time to have some fun with words! If you haven’t seen this before, every year, The Washington Post publishes the winning submissions in its neologism (a newly coined word or expression) contest. It’s fairly long but very wonderful so my words are shorter than usual. Hope you laugh as much as we both did! Enjoy!
Once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post’s Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
The winners are:
-Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
-Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
–Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
-Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
-Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
– Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
– Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
– Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
– Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
And the pick of the literature:
– Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
And if you haven’t yet seen this one….
With love,
Kathy x